Finding Light in the Darkness
Navigating Grief and Loss with Grace
Introduction:
Have you ever felt like life's challenges were too much to bear, leaving you lost in a sea of grief and uncertainty? Grief and loss are universal experiences that touch us all in different ways. For many, it's the heartbreaking loss of a loved one that brings waves of sorrow crashing down. But grief and loss can also take on different forms, including losing oneself in the aftermath of a traumatic experience. In this blog post, we'll delve into the complexities of navigating grief and loss with grace and self-compassion, exploring strategies to find light in the darkness no matter what form it takes.
I’m going to start off by saying I am not a professional, licensed therapist, or counselor. I’m simply sharing personal experiences as well as others with lessons learned and practical tips to guide you through the hardships.
I feel like one the the most important lessons I can share is give yourself permission to acknowledge the pain. It’s okay to feel a wide range of emotions including sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion. If you don’t give yourself permission to acknowledge the pain, it can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms and unrealistic expectations. Sharing from my own experiences, the sooner you acknowledge the pain the better. If you continue to hide behind the pain, you risk losing yourself and eventually not being able to recognize the person looking back at you in the mirror.
Another lesson learned I am able to share is the longer it takes for you to seek support, the harder the healing process is. It goes hand in had with acknowledging the pain. Remember, you don’t have to do this alone. Seeking support from a professional like a therapist or counselor is a great start.
You can also reach out to support groups within your community or online. Why seek support? Well, emotional pain can manifest into physical pain. I do believe that many of our chronic pain warriors that have no explanation as to why they suffer with chronic pain probably stems from emotional pain that hasn’t been addressed yet.
I’m currently reading a book called “Freedom from Pain” by Peter A Levine, PhD and it talks about people who experience PTSD has a higher risk for developing chronic pain. There is a mind-body connection and if you are a chronic pain warrior that has no explanation to why you suffer, I invite you to look deep within to see if there could be an underlying emotional trauma that you haven’t explored yet.
Here are some practical tips I’ve gained during my own grief and loss journey.
Practicing self-care: Include practices that promote physical, emotional, and mental well-being. You can include activites such as exercise even if it is a 20 minute walk around your neighborhood, meditation, journaling, spending time in nature, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy.
Acceptance and forgiveness: Sometimes we will feel resentment towards another person, God, or even ourselves during times of grief and loss. The reality is that grief and loss is a natural part of the human experience. Holding onto resentment or blame can hinder the healing process for any survivor whether you are the survivor of a loved one or survivor of a traumatic event.
Set Boundaries: I speak from a place of experience as someone who is a recovering from people pleaser and has had lack of boundaries especially when it came to grief, loss, and healing. Set boundaries with yourself. Allow yourself to grieve at your own pace and protect yourself from additional stress or pressure. I remember when my estranged dad died in 2016. My dad and I had a very complicated relationship and there was many unhealed and unprocessed emotions. I was out of state for three business days and I came back to work earlier than I was required for bereavement to my boss at the time asking me, “so how long is it going to take for you to get caught up?” I was in shock she said that to me, but I allowed her to put that pressure on me.
Honor memories and find meaning: I think there is something powerful when we honor memories and find meaning and purpose with our experiences. Whether this is relating to loss of a loved one or any traumatic experience, finding ways like tapping into your creative side whether that is writing, volunteering, starting a creative project, or finding ways to honor the legacy of the person who has passed is so empowering and helps build resilience. I know a wonderful woman who I met during Better Bones & Balance class. She really inspires me. She lost her son tragically and now she volunteers and has become a mentor with a non-profit to honor his memory.
Practice gratitude: I know this seems very challenging especially in the eye of the storm, but focusing on the positive memories and experiences shared with the person who has passed away or finding gratitude for the lessons learned through the grieving process can help. I remember when my adoptive sister passed away in 2018. I have never cried so much in my entire life. Her and I didn’t talk everyday as we both ended up going down different paths in life, but we knew we were only 10 digits away from each other. All the memories came flooding back to me and I was grateful for all the love and support she gave me throughout the years especially when I was a teenager. Another example of practicing gratitude is the knowing that the physical assault I experienced is most likely what brought my husband and I together. Had I not gone through that experience, we probably would have just been two people that knew of each other. I am thankful every day that he came into my life.
Celebrate milestones: Don’t forget to celebrate achievements, no matter how big or small, in your healing journey. Each step forward is a testament to your strength and resilience.
Conclusion:
Grief and loss is part of the human experience. If you find that you are struggling even if it is 20 years later, please seek professional help. You don’t have to do this alone. The healing process is not linear and it is not easy. Practice self-compassion and allow yourself some grace and space to process.